How to Silence the Inner Critic
Over at Front Yard Mission HQ, (check it out by texting FYM to 814–228–5007) we’ve been looking at the power of small beginnings with our neighbors. Tools, tips, and even stories are helpful. But if they don’t address the underlying voices that keep choking out our small beginnings, we won’t get anywhere.
What voices? I’m talking about our inner critic. We all have one. How much you listen to him or her is up to you. If we give it power, our inner critic can drown out every other voice, even God’s. I’m not saying we don’t face external obstacles to neighboring, but of all the things that frustrate our efforts, this internal manifestation of our fallen nature is the most powerful.
Do you have an inner critic?
Of course you do. We all do. A better question is why is it so powerful? We could cit many reasons, I’ll give a few:
1. The inner critic voice never leaves. It’s always there, in our heads, and it always knows when to whisper or shout. It’s uncanny in how well it exploits your vulnerable spots.
2. We’re used to it. We’re so used to it, in fact, that we’ve made peace with it and call it other things like “analytical” or “discerning.” We’ve lost sight of how inhibiting and toxic it’s become.
3. It harnesses one of the most powerful emotions: contempt. The inner critic relentlessly disrespects, mocks, and attacks your best efforts. “Critic” may be too kind of a term, since some critique can be constructive. But not when it’s filled with contempt. Maybe we should call it your “inner hater.”
Famed psychologist John Gottman said contempt is the most toxic emotion in a marriage and the #1 predictor of divorce. What does that do when it’s unleashed inside of you?
So how do we silence the inner critic, when it comes to our humble neighboring efforts, or anything else? Let’s look at a few things you can do to shut up that contemptuous monster and listen better to the right voices.
Identify what the Inner Critic is telling you. This post is focused on neighboring, so we’ll save the “you’re fat/you’re dumb/you’ll never live up” voices for another time. When it comes to neighboring, what’s one thing your inner critic tells you?
Learning to recognize your inner critic is the first step towards silencing those voices. Next, we’ll look at how to answer your critic’s favorite condemnations with God’s voice in the Bible.
You know you’re not perfect, but by God’s grace, you’re trying. However, your inner critic will attack who you are, what you say, and what you do. Or, your identity, your words, and your actions. Let’s walk through an attack and an answer for each of these.
The Inner Critic Attacks Your Identity
The critic says things like “you’re a terrible Christian, you’re not committed, you’re a hypocrite, and God’s already mad at you — so why would he listen to your prayers or bless your efforts?”
When it comes to neighboring, how does your inner critic attack your identity?
Not fun, huh? Why would you listen to that? Let’s answer that with God’s word. The truth is that for any believer, you are already completely loved and accepted! Tell yourself this: “The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight you. He will quiet you with his love. He will rejoice over you with singing” (Zeph. 3:17). God’s delight is kryptonite to our inner critic’s contempt! Take courage and move ahead because you know God is with you!
The Inner Critic Attacks Your Words
You want to speak words of kindness, hope, and gospel truth. But your inner critic says things like “you won’t know what to say, you sound dumb when you talk, and you can’t possibly answer people’s questions about God.”
When it comes to neighboring, how does your inner critic attack your words?
If that were true, you’d never open your mouth again. But the truth is you don’t need polished words. Humbly sharing what you know to be true about Jesus is plenty powerful! “When I came to you, I did not come with eloquence or human wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified” (1 Corinthians 2:1–2).
The Inner Critic Attacks Your Actions
You want to take small steps to love and serve your neighbors. But your inner critic is quick to despise your small beginnings. When you want to do something for a neighbor, it says things like “It’s too little too late, it will never work, it’s all pointless, it isn’t going anywhere, it’s too small and insignificant.”
When it comes to neighboring, how does your inner critic attack your actions?
When it feels like our humble efforts aren’t going anywhere, remember that God LOVES them! Whether it’s faith like a tiny mustard seed or a little baby in a manger, God loves to use small beginnings to change the world. “Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin…” (Zechariah 4:10).
We shouldn’t despise our small beginnings, because God doesn’t! And who are we to be more critical than God? “The LORD rejoices to see the work begin…” Rejoices! He doesn’t merely tolerate, put up with, or grudgingly accept us. Rather, he DELIGHTS IN, GETS EXCITED ABOUT, REJOICES OVER our humble efforts! Reminding ourselves of God’s delight keeps our inner critic at bay.
Finally, let’s look at how to put this into practice.
What’s one small step, one small beginning you can take this week in loving your neighbors? Identify that, then identify what the inner critic would say, and hammer that critique with God’s truth! In Christ, you are loved, you are accepted, and God delights in you and your small beginnings! Don’t walk under the burden of shame and condemnation. Hold your head up in joy and confidence. Freely you have received; now freely give!
